Letters of Intent - First Week of School Edition

It's time for Letters of Intent! If you want more where this came from, just click the button above and head over to myfourboys.net. The links always manage to tickle my funny bone!

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Dear Developers of Modern Medicine:

You’ve done so much for us in the last 100 years or so. I won’t even try to detail the various and painful ways I could have met my end during my short life if it had not been for you. I know you’re still working on some of the big ones like Alzheimer’s, Cancer, HIV, and Male Pattern Baldness, but could you do me a little teeny favor? Maybe, like, on your coffee break or something?

Here’s the issue: My route to work takes me directly past our local high school and – this being the first week of school – I’ve noticed some, um… erratic driving behaviors. Now, as a parent, I totally understand the desire (or even the need) to have one’s children transport themselves as soon as they are able. No doubt mine will be doing the same thing when they reach the appropriate age. But that’s the thing; as a concerned driver I’m feeling more and more like the appropriate driving age should, in reality, be somewhere around 25.

So, I know you’re busy and all, but if you could just do me a solid and develop some kind of pill that counteracts teenage impulsiveness and stupidity I’d totally appreciate it. It wouldn’t even need to work all the time. As long as it kicks in when the user sits behind the wheel of an 800 pound metal death machine, I’d be happy.

K? Thanks!

Sincerely,

In Fear for My Life

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Dear Public School Teachers:

I’d say welcome back, but I know from watching my mom’s nearly 30 years of teaching that you’ve all been back at work (mostly unpaid) for at least two weeks. Sure, there are a few bad apples in your bunch. There are a few bad apples in any bunch really. It’s too bad that those apples tend to get the most publicity and make the biggest impression on the public.

So I just want to say in it writing: I’ve done what you do (as a substitute) and I’ve watched what you deal with (as the daughter of a teacher) and there is NO WAY that I would choose to be as overworked and underappreciated as you all are.

I can’t imagine walking into work on my first day after vacation knowing that there will be at least a few upset, selfish, entitled whiners who have already made up their minds about you because of things their friends have told them. And then to know that you’re going to have to deal with their kids all year too. (Yeah, see what I did there?)

So my prayer for all of you this year is that you find your supportive and involved parents early, that if you have kids they can wait until you get your first paycheck of the year to get their new school clothes, and that the few bad apples in your classes don't spoil the bunch either.

Sincerely,

Grateful that Teaching is Your Calling and Not Mine