A Message from the Princess

Don't touch my snacks.

Seriously.

Pack it up, pack it in. Let me begin.

First off, if you're a child of the 80's let me just say: You're welcome. Because any true child of the 80's will now have the lyrics to the inimitable 1992 chart-topper "Jump Around" by House of Pain stuck in the old noggin for at least the next two hours. Again I say, "You're welcome."

Now on the the real business at hand. I've been avoiding this post for nearly three weeks. I don't know why. I only know of a few people who read these posts regularly, and you all already know what's going on in my life anyway. As for you lurkers (yes, I see your hits!) if you must continue lurking, you're going to get the mundane, sad, and/or slightly personal stuff along with the photos of my adorable kid and tales of her antics. That's just the way I blogroll. Or something.

The reason for the title is that moving into a new year is supposed to be all about new beginnings. People are supposed to be able to look back and say, "yeah, that didn't turn out at all like I thought it would. But hey! Here comes a new chance to make things better!" The thing about new beginnings is that sometimes they only come after some painful endings. You kind of do have to pack it in sometimes in order to begin again. My (slightly) painful ending just happened to come right after the new year. It came right when I was feeling like 2010 was a new start. Anyway, here goes...

On January 7th, I got laid off. For those of you not familiar with the situation (or unable to count that high) I am currently looking for my 5th job in about 14 months. I don't talk about my job much on the blog, and that's by design. I don't want to be defined by what I do. On the rare occasion that I'm not blogging about the munchkin and her antics I'd rather blog about who (and whose) I am than what I do. However, this whole job situation over the past year has kind of thrown me for a little loop emotionally and that's what I felt I needed to share.

The first couple of lay-offs were basically industry driven. I was in a business that slowed down tremendously, plain and simple. This last one was a little different. I left a stable, full-time job with good benefits to take my most recent venture. It was also full-time with benefits, plus it seemed to have a great potential for growth. They really liked me and created a position to bring me on board. Three months later they realized that creating a position might have some unintended consequences for the company as a whole and they decided to discontinue the position. There were no other positions available so... too bad for me.

Vague enough for you?

Good.

The thing is I still love the people I worked with and think the company is amazing. I believe in who the are and what they do. I don't want to be specific because I don't ever want to come off like I'm bad-mouthing anyone. I suppose all I really want is to vent a little. No matter how a job ends, it comes out feeling a little like a break-up. Just like in a break-up, the other person can have the best of intentions and sincerely say, "It's not you, it's me." Still, the one who's been dumped wonders "maybe it's at least a little bit me".

I found myself asking why a lot. Wouldn't you? I mean, I did all the "right" things. I looked for direction, I sought guidance. When I was thinking about leaving a stable job with good benefits (but very little growth potential) for this new opportunity I prayed sincerely that God would close the door if it wasn't meant to be. I really truly felt like taking the new job was the right step. Once I started the job I felt like it was where I would be for a long time, maybe even a whole career. I spent a week or so after the lay off distractedly trying to figure out what I had missed. Was there some sign that I overlooked? Was I so excited that I glossed over what the Lord was trying to tell me? I honestly didn't think so.

I also spent some time distracted by self-pity. Was it really God's plan for me to out there, floating, jobless again!?!? If so, I just needed to let him know that I don't like that plan very much. Humph! I think I really did make that frustrated sound and cross my arms like a three year old a couple of times. I mean, we have bills to pay. I don't work for extra money, my pay helps meet the needs of our family, not the desires. A job loss for me isn't a small occurrence. It could easily be a catastrophe. Doesn't God know that!?! So after my week of ranting and self pity, I decided that there's got to be something bigger going on here.

I have an unwavering and sometimes irrational need to believe that everything happens for a reason. Not in a "The Secret" sort of "you brought your terminal illness on yourself with your negative thoughts" kind of way. It's more a desperate need to learn something from even the stinkiest of experiences. No matter what's going on I want to feel like someday I'm going to look back and think, "Nope, that situation still totally sucked. But at least I learned X, Y & Z from it." More than anything I want to believe that if I keep an open mind and a good attitude, there's a little seed of something good in even the worst situation. Even if I don't see it right away.

I learned a long time ago that I'm not in control of nearly anything in my life. I mean seriously. Who can guarantee that they'll even take the next breath they need to live? If I didn't already have a firm grasp on my lack of control, having a kid certainly cemented that little lesson in my mind quickly! Can I get a show of hands on how many moms have successfully made their newborn stop a three hour crying session? Didn't think so. I think Norah was about 7 months old when I first saw her, "I know you just said no, but I'm gonna go ahead with my plan anyway." look. I have no more control over the happenings in my life than I do over what color the sun turns the sky when it sets. It's just too big for me to have any measurable say in it.

So if I'm not in control of what happens, it stands to reason that the only way to feel a least partially sane is to try to remain in control of the way I respond. When your newborn starts in on hour three of Screamfest 2008 sometimes you've just gotta blast the iPod and bounce (gently) along. So I've been trying to do that. And I've been doing an okay job of it, I think. While I have a little free time (ha) between looking for a new job and interviewing I've been working on ways of improving our lifestyle a little. I'm clipping more coupons (seriously had NO idea how much that can save you! Do you know that if you do it right, there are stores that will essentially pay YOU to take their stuff?). I'm getting organized (little by little). I'm doing my best to be a good steward of what we have. There's not much about our situation that I can control right now, but I'm doing the best I can.

The biggest thing is that I'm trying to remember who is in control. Perhaps it stands to reason that my response to a given situation is all that I can control, but that reasoning leaves out a huge component. God. While I'm doing all I can to remain in control of my emotions, there is One who sees a much more complete picture than I do. He's not some fairy godmother who pops on the scene to work things out when I get into a jam. He's there with me every step of the way. He sees the end from the beginning. The only thing that I'm truly in control of is my choice to trust Him. I love my mom's explanation of this choice. She gave it to me before I had Norah, but I like to personalize it a little bit now.

*****

When Norah and her daddy are going somewhere, she reaches up for him. She continues walking on her own power but she knows she's going with Daddy. Once she wraps her little hand around his finger she doesn't ask if he's going to lead her off a cliff. She doesn't worry that he'll push her out in traffic. In a parking lot, it's Daddy who stops and waits for the cars. When she feels him move again she knows it's safe. From her perspective, things might look a little different than they do to Daddy, but if she keeps her hand in his she doesn't have to worry about getting there safely. When her hand leaves his she can be off in a different direction before she even knows it (can I get an amen!?!). Most of the time, she doesn't even know where the final destination is. She wouldn't be able to go the right direction on her own if she tried! What Norah can control is her grip on Daddy. As far as the rest of the journey goes, well, that's Daddy's job.

*****

There's not much I can control in this life. Life has proven that to me over and over. So, I'm packin' up my baggage - such as it is - and I'm going along for the ride. As long as I keep my hand firmly in Daddy's I'm pretty sure we'll end up where we're supposed to. And maybe if I'm good we'll get ice cream on the way.

Apron Giveaway!

So as anyone who knows me will tell you, the best recipe I've ever devised in my life goes something like this:

Step 1 - Marry a man who loves to cook and does it well.
Step 2 - Tell him he does a good job.

I do, however, bake. I actually enjoy it and I'm getting better all the time - which is saying something when you live at 9,000 feet. So when I saw this giveaway linked on my friend's blog, I figured why not? I mean, a little inspiration in the kitchen never hurt anyone (food poisoning aside) and I always do things better when I look fabulous doing them. Hence, my rhinestone studded rubber gloves for toilet cleaning. Ha. So here's the super cute apron I'd like to win:



Anyway, head on over to http://thesuburbanjungle.blogspot.com. There are several ways to earn more than one entry in the giveaway. I've avoided Twitter so far, but for those of you who Tweet, following the site gets you at least one extra entry. You can also earn FIVE entries for blogging about the giveaway. Humm.... what a coincidence.

Christmas is for Grown-Ups Too!?!

I took these pictures because:
A) I love the vases my dad gave us for Christmas this year
B) I realized that I didn't really make any mention in my Christmas posts about how our Christmas went (just Norah's)
C) My kitchen is clean!!

Mark got me a bouquet just before I left for California. Even several days after I came back, these hearty little flowers and pieces of greenery were still going strong. I hated to throw them out just because the main flowers were dead. Then I remembered these vases! They're called ikebana vases. They have a tiny little well for water that has spikes in it to hold your flowers. I fill the well with one of Norah's old medicine syringes that we don't use any more. As you can see, the vases work best with stiff-stemmed flowers.

If you'd like a vase (or two) to add to your decorational repertoire let me know. I know where you can get 'em!

Clean kitchen!

My vase (made of English Walnut)

Mark's vase (made of White Oak, with a really cool knothole)

Close to Home

If you have a chance today, please pray for a couple on our community. They are in the process of adopting two children from Haiti (video is below). While officials here have approved expedited visas for Hatian children who were already matched with adoptive US parents, so far there have been no transportation or security arrangements made for these children.

I don't think it was covered in the attached video, but many orphanages in Port Au Prince and beyond are being looted or simply running out of food and water. The couple in the video below saw their one-year-old daughter on a national news clip sleeping on the street because her orphanage was destroyed. The longer it takes to arrange transportation for these children - who already have families waiting for them here - the more likely it is that something terrible could happen.

I can't imagine how I would feel if these were my children. I can't even fathom the pain of being so completely out of control as far as their welfare is concerned. Adoption in Haiti can take up to two years for approval, meaning that some of the adoptive families in the US have been preparing their homes and families for a long time for a new member. Imagine being "pregnant" for more than a year and then losing your child!

So please, if you have a moment, pray specifically for Witson and Louvencia. Pray for all of the orphans in Haiti - newly orphaned or not, adopted or not. Most of us don't have the resources to do something monumental or miraculous. But we know the One who does.

New Developments

At some point every kid goes from saying words to using words to communicate. It's exciting enough for parents when they just start saying words. I couldn't have imagined how entertaining it would be to hear my kid start to communicate! Here are a couple of examples:

When you tell Norah you're going to do something she wants to do (go to Grammie's, read a book etc.) and then take a minute longer to get ready (I'm always forgetting something!) she motions to you with her little fingers and says, "Com' mon" in a little sing-song voice. She's not demanding, she's just saying, "You said we were gonna do this thing and now I'm all excited!!" She did this several times on our recent trip. Every time we said it was almost time to get on the plane, she'd start walking toward the line of passengers and say, "Com' mon!"

She helped me feed the dog the other day. She stood between Jamie and the pantry, where I was scooping her food. Norah looked Jamie in the eye, pointed to the floor and said, "sit!" Jamie sat, but I think it was more out of habit. I took the bowl of food to the sink to fill with water and Jamie got antsy. She always gets impatient at that point. She started to stand up and Norah put her little hand on Jamie's back reassuringly and said, "Hold on."

Imagine, my toddler telling the dog to be patient! Ha!

Final Pictures of 2009

I know, we're already more than two weeks in to 2010, but this last week has been exceptionally crazy. More on that later. Here's a re-cap of the last days of 2009.

Mark's parents came to visit right after Christmas. We saved all of Norah's presents from them so they could see her open them. On December 30th, Norah had her third Christmas of '09. By now she's a pro.

A little flower from her stocking. Incidentally, in spite of the wire in the stem, this makes an awesome plane toy. She felt very powerful being able to bend the stem all by herself.

Talking Elmo toy. Also note, her very first pony tail! The teachers at daycare put it in for her. They were doing pigtails for all the other girls and she felt a little left out. The Tinkerbell pillow in the background is another favorite. She lays on it and "reads" her books when she ready to settle down for bed.

Elmo slippers. She has a hard time walking in them because she's so busy looking down at her feet.

On New Year's Eve we went over to Mark's aunt and uncle's house. His uncle makes and amazing spread of Chinese food every year for New Year's Eve. Norah had so much fun!

She marched around the house for over an hour with her noisemaker.

And what's a party without a party hat!?!

Of course it kept falling off, but luckily she had people to help her put it back on.

All in all, it was a very successful party to end a very successful year for Norah!