When I was in junior high my parents hired a girl from the high school to give me flute lessons. Yes, I played the flute. I wasn't all that great. But that's another story. My flute teacher had a fish tank in her room with two lovely goldfish in it. They were the fancy kind of goldfish, with the really big fan tails and fins. One was mostly orange and the other was white and orange - almost like a koi. The were really beautiful.
After I'd been there a few times I asked about them. She told me that they were part of a science experiment that she'd done a couple of years ago for school. She had heard that goldfish would basically grow to fit the environment that you put them in and she wanted to see if that was true. She bought 6 goldfish. She put two of them in a tiny bowl (like one of those that you might win at the fair), two in a medium bowl and two in the tank (it wasn't a huge tank, maybe 5 or 10 gallons). She fed them the same food at the same times and did all of the other science experiment-y things needed to ensure that their environment was the only determining factor in their growth.
If I remember correctly, the two in the tiny bowl didn't even live through the experiment. The two in the medium bowl went to the Great Aquarium in the Sky not long after. But the two in the big tank were still alive and swishin'. In fact, they were pretty magnificent specimens of fishhood. Then she told me the best part:
All six fish were purchased from the "snake food" bowl.
Those gorgeous goldies were bred for the purpose of consumption by reptile. **Note to my Durango friends: they've done a pretty good job of keeping this info out of our schools, but in the wild, animals actually eat other animals! Crazy right?!? This could be why that sweet little mountain lion you saw out back hasn't touched the salad you left out for him. It might also have something to do with why you can't find your cat.** In fact, all six fish were pretty scrawny when she got them. So just a change of one factor in their little fishy lives altered their course forever. They were given an environment to grow into, and they did a great job of it!
I've been thinking lately that we're all a little bit like goldfish. We do tend to grow to fit our environment don't we? Ask any student who moves from his bedroom/dormroom into a first apartment. In the beginning it feels huge. There's so much space, and not nearly enough stuff to fill it. Generally speaking, over the ensuing weeks and months, the space gets filled. Add a $40 Salvation Army couch here, a weight bench found on the curb there, and just a year or two down the road the place may feel a little cramped. Try to add in another person, say a new spouse, and all of their stuff. Suddenly, there's no room at all!
The main difference between us and goldfish is that for most of us there are more elements than just food and living environment in our lives. There are all sorts of different areas that can expand for us to grow into.
When the area of health expands in our lives, whether through a diagnosis for ourselves or a loved one, it always amazes me how people grow to fit that new environment. I know moms who can explain with scientific precision - or in layman's terms - exactly the cause, effect and treatment of the condition their child is dealing with. Although I was only 14 years old when I had surgery to correct a hole in my heart, I could explain the typical symptoms, tests, appearance of the defect and the treatments for it. Anyone in my immediate family could still tell you the names of the chemo drugs my mom had for breast cancer in 2001, AND why it was important that she take both of them at the same time.
When an area in our life "expands" in some way, we typically grow to fit it. Ask any single mom how she does it all on her own. You'll probably get an, "I don't know! It was nice talking to you but I've gotta get moving!" Moms are usually the best goldfish. Show us a need in the life of a beloved family member and even if there is absolutely NO time left in the day, we'll find a way to meet that need. In the end WE don't even know how we do it.
My former flute teacher became a dear friend of mine. A few years ago she abruptly found herself - by no fault of her own - a single mom of four small children. She had been a work-at-home mom for several years and had not finished her college education. What did she do? She got herself into a challenging and highly respected program at the local university. She wrote for grants and scholorships. She applied for financial aid and free childcare. She worked around the clock for her family - sometimes literally on 3 and 4 hours of sleep for weeks at a time. This year she will graduate with a Master's Degree in Nutrition. She is providing and will continue to provide for her family, not just materially, but as an example of what it means to give yourself for the people you love. She found herself in the snake food bowl of life, and she jumped into a tank with room to grow.
I guess that's the other main difference between us and goldfish. Even though we can't always control the circumstances in which we find ourselves, there are things we can do to change our circumstances and grow through them.
It may not be very enjoyable, but this economic downturn has created some definite opportunities for growth for a lot of people I know. Like a lot of families, we're in a season of re-prioritizing. We're working hard to figure out which "environments" in our lives we want to expand so that we can grow into them. Sometimes it's easy to let our circumstances determine which areas we'll grow into most, as opposed to being deliberate in our choices. Although we may be walking through tighter financial times than we're used to, we can also look at it as an opportunity to reasses who we are and where we're going.
I really want to "expand my tank" in the area of generosity. It's pretty easy to give when I'm giving out of excess. I hope that now, in a time of less no excess I can cultivate the discipline of giving out of a greatful heart rather than out of a fat wallet. There are other areas that we are deciding as a family to grow into as well. Most of them will require some degree of sacrifice. In any life, there is only so much to go around. Whether it's money, time, talent, or any other available resource, we want to make sure that we're investing in important things. We want to invest in eternal things. In the end, it's not necessarily about choosing the Right vs. the Wrong - those choices at usually pretty straight forward. It's more about identifying the Best vs. the Good. This takes a little more effort.
When I first started thinking about goldfish, I was tempted to sink into a little bit of self pity. Oh poor Shelly, just dropped into this little tiny bowl with no room to grow, victimized by her circumstances. Really, it's not nearly so simple and fatalistic as all that. This life is not some divine experiment for which I've been pressed into service. God is not manipulating the elements of my life to just see how I handle a challenge (though we're probably all tempted to feel that way sometimes). He has my best interest at heart. Looking back on my life I can see that even in the difficult times he has never let me down.
The difference between me and my fishy friends is that I have a greater role to play in how things work out. I may not be in control of my circumstances, but I am not helpless. So I will do my best to grow into the environments that I can't change, I will be careful about where I invest my time and energy so that I'm growing in productive ways, and I will activley and greatfully look for opportunities to try out new and bigger environments. Those are the things I can do, and I will do them whether things are going swimmingly or not.
2 comments:
Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing and challenging us to live outside the fishbowl :)
good post...makes you think about what we can do to fill up our own "bowl" :) PS the new pic at the top is cute!
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