Happy Birthday to Me

Monday was my birthday.

I'm 25. Again. So there.

To celebrate, Mark and I went out with some friends to dinner on Saturday evening.

Mark called this my do-over for last year's birthday. Last year was a fairly significant birthday for me (I was 25. Shut up.). Although I had specifically stated that I wanted to be extra cute for that particular birthday, true to the old addage "We plan, God laughs." It turned out that I was 35 weeks pregnant. Not exactly the kind of "cute" I'd planned on!

I did a little figurin' and between having the baby and the weight I've lost since (30 pounds!) I was probably at least 50 pounds heavier last year at this time.

I'm excited for the weight loss. I'm excited to be a stronger, healthier, more energetic me. I'm excited that I can keep up with my kids a little better these days. I'm excited that I've been able to change my lifestyle and make a habit of making good choices.

But mostly, I'm grateful. I'll tell you why in a minute.

Back in August, my friend Jill wrote an amazing post about her journey with a lot of these same issues. She wrote so clearly about how having self control wasn't a battle for her weight or for her body, it was a battle for her heart and the lies she was allowing into her mind. Her post spoke so well exactly what I was feeling. We can't expect ourselves to grow - whether by losing weight, changing habits, conquering depression or overcoming anything else that we struggle with - until we recognize that we were made the way we are, by a loving God, for a reason. We may not know the reason. We may resent the way we were made. But our struggles are never wasted if we allow them to be used to touch the hearts of others. If we put aside the lies we are constantly told about the way we're "supposed to be" and see ourselves in the light of the love of the One who created us maybe we could all give ourselves a little more grace when it comes to the things we struggle with.

So, back to why I'm grateful. I don't think I could have ever imagined a man who is better at seeing me in this light, and I'm so grateful for it. I'm grateful for a man who sees me for who I am - big or small, energetic or lethargic, crazy on pregnancy hormones or only slightly less crazy on regular hormones - and he loves me anyway.

Don't get me wrong, he challenges the heck out of me. He encourages me to grow and change. It's in his engineer nature to always be looking for the next improvment. But the bottom line is that he sees the good in me, he knows and is honest about the bad, and he loves me regardless.

So for my birthday this year (did I mention I'm 25?) I'm giving myself the gift of laying aside all the things I'm "supposed to be" and loving who I am, warts and all.

For my birthday, I'm giving myself grace (and dutch apple tart).

Happy birthday to me.